This work describes my experience with grief, for someone still here and for a past self. The center work, Guts, is meant to be a visual representation of the physical sensation I experience when I think of someone important to me who has since grown distant. The text describes the sad, almost angry questions that come to mind when I wonder why.

Another form of grief I struggle with every day is the grief for a past, healthier, more able-bodied self. This is what the addition of the spines is meant to represent. The spines shown are x-rays of my own back and lungs, taken when attempting to find the cause of a mystery illness that I had been dealing with from October 2024 until early March 2025. In the last ten years, I have been struggling with the constant decline in my health, with new diagnoses and treatments coming every year. With many un-curable chronic illnesses that I deal with daily, I often struggle with the fact that, at one point, I was healthier. I was able to be active and play sports, but today, I struggle to complete basic daily tasks or get groceries.

The gut-wrenching feeling I get when I grieve for a past, healthier self was almost unexplainable, but as this series was produced, I became more used to explaining the concept, which helped me become more comfortable with the grief. I will never stop grieving for the person I was when I was healthy, but this work has provided a deep sense of comfort that I can only hope will stick around.